It seems there are only two types of drivers in the world; those who think they're better than everyone else, and the 20 professional formula one drivers (earning up to $76 million a year driving a car around a track) who probably are.

Remember that time you worked so hard to impress your new girlfriend's parents at that fancy restaurant? Five courses over three hours and nobody thought to mention the poppyseed jammed between your two front teeth. It’s easy to conclude that the world is conspiring against you. Or is it?

To be honest, I don't see the problem. The eleven pairs of almost identical sweatpants I bought in 2020 are now a key part of the estate my lucky kids will one day inherit.

Not since the terror of the looming Y2K bug have so many of us paused to consider exactly what it is we're meant to be doing with our fleeting existence on this planet, and why oh why we're still working for ol' stink breath in that hellhole of an office.

There are some convincing lies we tell ourselves; ‘we’ll work it off at the gym tomorrow’, ‘just one more pair’ and ‘we’ve got to spend to save’.

Ah yes, the $140 Platinum Wash. Definitely the car cleaning package of choice for the hitmen, fishmongers and professional septic tank cleaners among us.

Yup. It’s outrageous. $7 for one slice, two if you’re lucky. And even in the moment of ordering it, you know full well that the same $7 could buy you the entire loaf, plus the electricity required to toast it all.

The second-hand market is a brutal place Sophia, and if it’s any consolation, you’re not alone.